Goals of Share

The weekly recap from How To Train Your Doctor​

Happy Sunday, Reader!

This week's video highlighted a patient of mine who wanted to meet with palliative care because they were feeling "pretty good." We were able to dig into important topics because their illness was stable - the kind of conversation that's almost impossible to have in the middle of a crisis.

Now I want to dig even deeper into the benefits of routine check-ins with palliative care during the good times. There's a deeper psychological principle worth exploring: building 'conversational stamina' for tough topics while you can still keep them at arm's length.

The Arm's Length Advantage:​
When you're feeling well and treatment is working, thinking about the future can be a little less scary. You can thoughtfully explore questions like, ‘What would make life not worth living for me?’ or ‘How do I want to be cared for if I can't speak for myself?’ without the paralyzing fear of imminent danger.

This psychological distance - what I call keeping things 'at arm's length' - creates a safer space for reflection.

Developing Your Difficult Conversation Muscles:​
Many of us would prefer not to think about our death - obviously! So many people avoid advance care planning conversations, planning to 'cross that bridge when it comes.' But here's what I've seen: if you haven't practiced these talks during stable periods, it's incredibly hard to suddenly do them in a medical crisis.

Think of it like physical training. You can't run a marathon without building up endurance, and you can't navigate complex medical decisions without gradually building your comfort with difficult topics.

Why It Matters:​
Patients who've built conversational stamina make decisions from a place of confidence instead of panic. They've clarified their values ahead of time, so when decisions need to be made, they're ready.

I've seen the difference again and again: families who’ve done this work navigate medical crises with confidence and clarity. Families who haven’t are left second-guessing and wondering if this is really what their loved one would have wanted.

What You Can Do Now:​
If you're living with a serious illness and feeling pretty good right now, consider this your training window.

Start with one question: ‘What matters most to me right now?’ Then share your answer with someone you trust.

If you want to keep building your difficult conversation stamina, pop over to https://theconversationproject.org/ to check out their awesome conversation guide.

Building your conversational stamina now makes the hardest conversations later a little clearer, a little calmer, and a lot more compassionate.

Have a wonderful week,

Matt

This week's posts

When Feeling Good Doesn't Feel Good Two patients. Both feeling good. Opposite decisions. ​ Watch Video

Services

Are you a caregiver in need of personalized support? Would you like guidance on what to expect so you can prepare for the future? HTTYD caregiving coaching helps you:

• Boost your medical literacy
• Understand your healthcare system resources
• Vocalize and document your treatment preferences
• Learn the language you need to be heard by your loved one's healthcare team

Let's get you ready to confidently make decisions for your loved one without the second guessing and regret!

Resources

I'm often asked: "How do I find a palliative care team in my area?" A great starting point is the directory over at Get Palliative Care. Just type in your zip code and see what's out there!

Merch

Do you wish the palliative fairy would visit your hospital? Why not BE the palliative fairy? Dazzle the world with your own palliative sparkle shirt!